What is NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming)?
Have you heard of NLP or Neuro-Linguistic Programming? We sure haven’t since last year, until someone introduced to us a practitioner. One of our friends suggested that we see someone to help my wife with her depression and anxiety. Our friend informed us that this particular person is US-based and charges his clients a hefty amount but would like to give back to the community for free for one afternoon. After the session, we also discovered (from another practitioner) that this same guy has a long list of high-profile local clients that seek treatment from him. We didn’t have an idea back then what intervention will happen and that it is called NLP. We only trusted the person who suggested it. Also, we knew he genuinely would like to help since my wife had known him since her childhood. Little did we know that it would be one of the factors that would help improve my wife’s mental health. The story you about to hear is our experience on the treatment called NLP for Depression and Anxiety.
However, before we proceed on how my wife’s NLP for Depression and Anxiety session transpired, I would like you to understand NLP first. What is NLP?
The Low-Down on NLP
NLP or Neuro-Linguistic Programming is a psychological approach that studies the process of human thought. As what the book NLP: The Essential Guide has provided:
In other words, it’s the study of what’s actually going on when we think. I don’t mean the physical or electrochemical reactions, but what we would notice if we looked at the step-by-step activity of thinking.
NLP is an understanding – not of the brain – but of how the mind, using the brain, expresses itself in your life and creates what you call your experience.
NLP stands for Neuro as in neurology, Linguistic refers to your language, and Programming refers to how that neural language functions. It’s like learning the language of your mind.
NLP Basic Concepts
We See the World Subjectively
NLP practitioners have common presuppositions that they base their approach in providing intervention to themselves and others. One of them is the idea that everyone has their own personal map of reality. We just see a map and how we make sense of it and not how truth is. I hope you understand what I mean. Because, having this idea gets you a better picture of why people react differently to the same stimuli.
All of us has a distorted view of what the world is because of how we give importance to the information provided by our senses. We see this distorted view of the world through our senses: visual (seeing), auditory (hearing), kinesthetic (touching), olfactory (smelling), gustatory (tasting). We do not use these senses equally at a given time, and we usually favor one of the senses most of the time. You can identify which senses a person prefers more based on how he or she speaks, writes, or expresses his or herself. You can actually ‘see’ now which of the senses I favor the most. Got you.
To give you perspective on how different people favoring a particular sensory system responds to the same idea:
Visual (60% of people)- “I see your point.”
Auditory (20%) – “That sounds right.”
Kinesthetic (20%) – “I feel you.”
Sometimes we favor our Olfactory and Gustatory senses even in communication – “I smell something fishy.”,”That was a sweet victory.”
Let’s not generalize here since some of these statements may be just expressions. You’ll get the sense of sensory bias on different people the longer you are conversing with them.
Our Unconscious Minds Influence Our Behavior
The premise is that we experience things first through the unconscious part of our minds which then dictates and reaches the subconscious and then our conscious mind. Even when we think consciously, it still started from the unconscious recesses of our minds. Therefore, our unconscious mind influences our behaviors. This statement is true even if you believe that you are consciously choosing your response.
Some people get the subconscious and unconscious definitions mixed up or thought they are the same. But, they’re actually two different parts of our minds. Part of the subconscious are thoughts that you are currently not accessing but when needed you can access them from your memory. The unconscious mind, on the other hand, is the deep part, where your patterns of thinking, behavior, and character are stored where you do not get to access readily. Here’s a video explaining the differences between the three parts of our minds:
It has to be noted as well that our behaviors, inversely, also influence our conscious and unconscious mind. This is where the 3rd concept of NLP Practice comes into play.
Remodeling Your Unconscious Mind
By modifying your behaviors through conscious effort and knowledge acquired (such as NLP Techniques), you also remodel your unconscious mind. Thus, it equips you to do behaviors you want to do with less conflict between your mind and your body. Remodeling of your unconscious mind makes you experience more of that ‘flow’ since your unconscious mind is in agreement with your body.
Let me illustrate to you what I mean by that conflict between our unconscious mind and our behavior. Was there an instant wherein you were tasked to do something and you know that doing it is good for you but there is something about doing it that makes you want to not do it? There is an internal conflict in those instances. There are also moments wherein you know you should be happy based on your current state but you are not. This might be because there is something inside of you that have not yet received the attention it needs. But when you have acknowledged it and made steps to satisfy this internal desire or conflict, it will lead you to true happiness.
On the other hand, you’ve also experienced the feeling when what you’re doing is in line with your inner aspirations. You get that sense of flow in those instances. I encourage you to be more conscious of these two polar occurrences so that you can have feedback on your current state.
Use of NLP in Remodeling Yourself and Others
Before NLP practitioners can remodel their own behaviors and others for the better, they usually had to understand first their own way of seeing the world (the 5 senses). This is how you can reach your own unconscious mind and provide influence to it.
Use of Anchoring in Making the Changes
NLP Practitioners try to remodel their unconscious or other’s unconscious minds by applying anchors that relate to different feelings or actions. Anchoring is like attaching a certain stimulus (maybe internal such as a vision or external such as a pat on the shoulder) to access a certain memory, state change, or other responses so that when you do the same stimulus, there’s a reflex effect that the desired memory or state change will be felt by the person in an instant.
The most basic anchoring example I have learned from reading the book NLP: The Essential Guide is activating positive mood and resources by touching the second knuckle of your non-dominant hand’s middle finger. There are steps in doing this and making it more effective but doing the exercise more and applying more positive scenarios gives the kinesthetic anchor more power for you to feel good in an instant. I can’t find the exact activity but this video demonstrates a similar exercise:
More advanced skills are needed in order to apply NLP techniques to others but the basic idea in order to access and reprogram another person’s unconscious mind is to connect with the client by identifying and using which of the 5 sensory biases they use the most. Practitioners can get a glimpse of how you access your memories or thoughts through how you use the sensory biases.
Application of NLP for Depression and Anxiety
Now that you’ve seen the concept of practicing NLP in improving yourself and in others, NLP is gaining ground in the mental health arena and acts as an alternative or a supplement to other therapies like CBT and taking meds. NLP for Depression and Anxiety has become a go-to intervention for those that seek alternative ways in dealing with Depression and Anxiety (because they usually go together).
NLP for Depression and Anxiety offers to identify root causes of the conditions, formulate changes to be made, and teach some skills to apply to lessen the impact of these conditions.
You’ll get a better picture of how an NLP for Depression and Anxiety session goes with how the master practitioner has done and taught my wife.
What Transpired During My Wife’s NLP for Depression and Anxiety Session
We were advised that the NLP master practitioner would do free consultations just for one afternoon so we hurriedly went to the meeting place. The meeting place identified is an open park within a mall. We went there knowing only the time he’s expected to be there and a picture of his face (in a group pic) to identify him within the mall’s crowd. Luckily, we were able to notice someone with the same features as the one we were looking for. We approached him and he confirmed that he is the one we’re looking for. Good thing also that we were the first there to approach him and Mela (my wife) was the first to talk to him.
During the course of the session, I was beside them to observe while they are standing in front of each other and see the wonders of NLP. The NLP master practitioner started by asking what my wife’s concerns are. My wife mentioned straight to the point that she has depression and budding anxiety. The NLP Master began scoping for the cause of the depression. He began asking when depression is kicking, where does my wife feel it. My wife pointed at her chest. He probed and asked again where does the feeling transfer to after feeling at her chest. My wife had a hard time identifying. He asked my wife to close her eyes and try to make herself depressed. He then asked her to try again. My wife was able to identify that from her chest, it goes up, into the brain.
NLP Basics Demonstrated
The NLP Master goes on probing more questions in order to identify the different sensory biases my wife is using. He mentioned that people with depression tend to be very good in creating vivid visions of bad thoughts. He even asked Mela when she’s having depressing visions, does she see it in color or black and white, and how big the screen is. We discovered that she’s seeing the visions in full color and bigger than a movie theater’s.
The NLP Master Taught My Wife Skills to Cope with Depression
After my wife described her visions, the NLP Master suggested for my wife to change the vision from full color into ‘black and white’ and shrink the screen until she can’t see it. My wife mentioned that she can’t sense the bad feeling anymore. He suggested that my wife should use that same skill every time a vision comes up.
The NLP Master also identified the cause of her depression. He began to ask when was the first time she felt the depression symptoms. My wife mentioned that it was during her time in the US. The NLP Master wanted to make sure. So, he asked if my wife could hear a voice talking down to herself whenever she’s having depression symptoms. My wife said yes and so the NLP Master wanted to identify the age of the voice inside. She has estimated that the voice is in her teens but the NLP Master asked that maybe it is younger. My wife double-checked and she mentioned that the voice is like in her younger years. Through probing, they were able to identify that it is the 4-year-old version of herself’s voice talking down to her.
Making My Wife Talk to Her Past
I will not go further into more details. But, through the help of the NLP master, my wife identified that a series of traumatic experiences caused her depression. The trauma started when she was 4 years old. The NLP Master asked Mela to imagine herself time traveling and talking to her 4-year-old version. He suggested my wife to tell that 4-year-old girl that she grew up fine and alive at the age of 27. My wife cried a lot for a moment. But, you sense that there was healing or there was a start of the process of healing for her. The NLP Master also gave her tips whenever she’s having anxiety attacks. He suggested to shift the negative voice she’s hearing from the front into the sides. This is where she said she doesn’t hear them.
After that, our time was up. We noticed that there were a lot of people waiting in line for their time with the guru.
Lessons from the NLP Session
We couldn’t thank enough the NLP Master. He taught my wife skills in coping with her illness during her NLP for Depression and Anxiety session. My wife from time to time still encounters attacks. But, I remind her those skills, as well, were taught to fight the demons inside. I believe the seed of healing was planted during that time. And, in order for her to fully recover, she needs to nurture that seed with a holistic approach in dealing with mental health. You have seen the potential of this intervention. There is still good news. People who suffer from these mental health illnesses can learn skills in NLP for Depression and Anxiety. People who support them can also learn them too.
As you can see, NLP for Depression and Anxiety can be a benefit as well to people dealing with mental health illnesses. NLP for Depression and Anxiety can be another great tool to supplement medicines, psychotherapy, eating healthy, exercise, and mindfulness. The best way, in my opinion, to treat this illness is attacking it from all corners.
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