Her Early Signs of Depression (Backstory)

In my previous post, I shared our story during the early years and how we coped with her condition. This post, on the other hand, will tackle her early signs of depression. In order to introduce you to this backstory, I will continue the story of our journey as well.

Looking Forward to the Union

I left you at the part of our story when my wife (my girlfriend back then) has made progress in her recovery from depression. Daily exercise and a better combination of medicines helped her to stabilize better her mood throughout the day. That was also the time that I felt that we should settle down and soon enough I proposed to her. Luckily, she was also on the same page and she said yes.

We’ve been through a lot and I think that what we’ve gone through is a great testament to how we can tackle our future problems as husband and wife. We have supported each other’s backs the best way we can so it’s natural that we’ll do better living together.

Planning the Wedding Helped Her Feel Better

Planning and organizing the wedding injected a positive vibe on her. According to her, it was because there was something she was able to look forward to. She didn’t mind the stress that comes into it because it was directly related to her and she had a vision of what she wanted in the wedding and she’s satisfied that these visions are materializing. Contrast that to the times when she’s having an attack and she’s saying that she can’t picture what she will do in the future or what’s her purpose in life is. It is important for people suffering from depression to have an activity they love to do that can distract them from the attacks. The attacks come from time to time, but they usually stick during moments when they have the opportunity to contemplate on these thoughts and feelings.

Wedding Blues

The day of our wedding came and during the preparations before the ceremony, traditions dictated that we were not allowed to see each other. During those moments, I was nervous that she would break down after all the stress and anticipation of this day and she won’t be able to make her entrance at the start of the ceremony. I was glad that the happy hormones won over the bad ones all throughout our wedding day. It was the happiest moment of our lives. We were so grateful that the wedding was as we have hoped it would be.

Looking Forward to Our Future Plans

After the wedding, we moved on to planning for our honeymoon which was to travel to the US. We also looked at the options for the furnishing of our condo unit. She had something to look forward to which helped her outlook to be more positive during this phase. She enjoyed planning and looking at the finer details of our options with the trip and filling up our new home.

Returning to the US Was a Rollercoaster Ride

Time went by so fast and the moment we have been waiting for has arrived. In Chicago and New York, we had a great time catching up with our relatives and friends. We also attended one of my cousin’s wedding and we went to the famous spots around.

The Past Haunted Her

When we went to Washington D.C., exhaustion crept in due to our hectic schedule. Her mood became unstable as well. She would cry every night during our stay there. A major reason for this trigger happening was because Mela lived in D.C. on two occasions and on her return, this is the place where she started feeling the signs of depression. She would remember the times when she felt sad, alone, and wanted to go home.

Forced to Pack Up and Leave

Her first stay was when they needed to relocate to D.C. because their petition for permanent residency has been approved and there was a deadline for Green Card holders to avail this approval. This happened at the moment when Mela was on the verge of spending her last year in college, doing well, and graduate with her batchmates. She didn’t take it lightly because it was against her will. Being a good daughter, she didn’t want to disappoint her parents.

Home Again

After 3 months of living in the US and adjusting to a new environment, her family eventually decided to come back to the Philippines. This was because her parents were not used to the cold weather and they were having bouts with colds. After coming back to the Philippines, she was able to resume her studies. It was a hard time for her because the majority of her batchmates had already graduated and her new set of classmates were mostly strangers to her. She eventually was able to adjust and gained new friends. After a year, she was finally able to finish her studies and graduate.

Back to Give It a Second Chance

After graduation, she decided to go back to the US. She didn’t want her parents to be disappointed with not putting her Green Card to good use and she didn’t have any problem adjusting to the weather there. Mela went back to the US alone, with a degree in her right hand, and with optimism at her left. She was able to work at a research firm and felt that she wouldn’t be able to have the same salary if she worked here in the Philippines.

Her Early Signs of Depression Slowly Taking Form

However, loneliness and homesickness took its toll on her. She was away from her parents for a long time and she had a hard time coping with the current setup. After almost 2 years living there, she heavily felt the urge to go back home because of the overwhelming feeling of sadness and other negative feelings hounding her. Her mother visited her there and Mela decided that she will come back to the Philippines together with her mother on her flight back home.

Back Home… Again

After coming back home, she pressured herself in immediately getting a  job because she felt that she should have a job to help her parents and also to have growth in her career. Even though she got accepted on a job, her heart was not in the right place. Symptoms of depression enveloped her and due to this, she did not have the motivation to get out of her bed and go to work. She quit work after failed attempts at trying to motivate herself to go to the office. She felt there was something wrong with her so she went to the doctor for a diagnosis. True enough, she was diagnosed with Double Depression.

A Culmination of Negative Experiences

Prior to her diagnosis of Double Depression, she had multiple bouts of sadness and feeling of loneliness. At first, she felt that she was just PMSing. She went into denial but eventually felt that there really is something wrong with her health. She felt that there was something she couldn’t control that’s why she can’t just snap out of these negative feelings.

You may feel like some of these experiences does not merit someone to feel depressed. However, depression is a mental health condition and these experiences are just triggers that strengthens its grip on the person having this condition. The condition is there that’s why these experiences are heightened. Imagine the difference between stabbing an open wound against a skin that is untouched. The condition of the open wound heightens the feeling of pain.

Look out for Each Other

If you or your loved ones felt moods similar to these that you/they can’t seem to grasp or snap out of, it is best to seek professional help.

Some symptoms to look out for:

• Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness
• Loss of interest in daily activities
• Appetite or weight changes
• Sleep changes
• Anger or irritability
• Loss of energy
• Self-loathing
• Reckless behavior
• Concentration problems
• Unexplained aches and pains

If you have multiple symptoms like these, please consider seeking professional help. It is best to take care of the disorder while it is more manageable or when the early signs of depression are still forming. There’s a test at the bottom of the same link to help you gauge if you have signs of depression. Disclaimer: The questionnaire is not intended to replace professional diagnosis.

Next post will be about our journey with depression after the honeymoon.

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