Journey with Depression: Our Story

Thank you, everyone, for your encouraging words and wanting me to continue this endeavor. I appreciate the comments I have received regarding my first post. For those that haven’t read my first post, my partner in life has mental health illness and this site will tackle our journey with depression and anxiety. I created this blog to be a source of knowledge and inspiration for people dealing with mental health conditions. They may be dealing with it directly or indirectly.

A lot of people has messaged me saying that they are currently trying to overcome depression/anxiety. Others have said that they have someone they care about who is undergoing the same struggle as my wife. It helps to know that my wife and I are not alone in this journey. A lot of our friends and families are there to support us through these trying times.

I have gained additional insights due to these conversations as well. People with mental health conditions may have the same labels tagged to their conditions, but they have different levels of suffering and different sets of baggage attached to the sickness. I am more convinced that aside from the importance of the person with the condition to find ways to take care of herself, it is also of almost equal importance that the support system is there throughout the journey with depression. The support system should also be well equipped to be that rock in the relationship.

Depression Will Always Be Part of the Story

Our story as lovers wouldn’t be complete without mentioning my wife’s journey with depression. Our relationship has deepened as well and we understood each other better because of dealing with the elephant in the room. Of course, every story has its beginnings. We met each other at a phase where she is already recovering from her depression symptoms. I didn’t see any signs that she had the said condition because she was functioning well and I can see the happiness in her eyes whenever we’re together. According to my wife, her medicines are at a minimum back then and the doctor is slowly tapering the number of meds she takes. Checkups with her neurologist-psychiatrist at that time were only about once every 3 months.

She didn’t want to tell me this part of her life because she’s aware of the stigma attached to it. As for my detection of it, there were small signs during those times like when she suddenly cries during quiet times but she attributed it to her periods so I didn’t see those as noteworthy.

I became more aware of it and had a more appropriate label to it when she introduced me to her spiritual advisor, Sister Vangie. It was Sister Vangie who told me that Mela goes to her for counsel and guidance about her condition. Since she was already recovering from it, I just set it aside and gave it little importance.

The Path to Recovery Is Not Always Straight

As what Barbara Hall partly said,

“The path to our destination is not always a straight one. We go down the wrong road, we get lost, we turn back.”

Ready to Face the World

During the early years of our relationship, there was a time during Mela’s recovery phase when she felt that she’s in a state that she can already function well and work again as a full-time employee. She applied to a lot of companies and she was accepted into an office at Bonifacio Global City, Taguig as a Corporate Affairs Specialist and Executive Assistant to the Vice President. She was elated and her motivation to work hard came back again.

Challenges Abound

However, after a few months, she had problems coping with the stress involved because of the deadlines and the amount of work requested by her boss. It became worse when she made a big mistake that she felt she gave her boss a big inconvenience. As she was characteristically a perfectionist, she couldn’t take her mistake as a simple one which she shouldn’t have made in the first place. She had a hard time moving on from this mistake although her boss has already forgiven her.

This moment in her life triggered a relapse in her depression. As she is also a pessimist by nature, her thinking led to downward spirals. She became paralyzed by her thoughts and she had frequent and long absences from her work. This led her to quit her job and focus on her recovery again. During these moments, I felt helpless. Whenever she cries, I question how come she can’t just snap out of it given that it’s just a simple mistake. The best I could provide at that time was to be there whenever I’m available and go to her.

In for a Bumpy Ride

I accompanied her during her visits to the doctor which became more frequent because the doctor is looking for the right set of combinations for her medicines. At least every 2 weeks, she would visit the doctor and the doctor would either increase the dosage or change the medicine. That’s when I realized that this is not a small thing. It cannot be fixed immediately like a broken pipe. 

There was also a moment in this journey with depression where she was prescribed an anti-depressant which made her moods stable but had a side-effect which made her weight gain 30 pounds. The stable moods were short-lived because she was more depressed due to the weight gain. During this time, she didn’t want to go outside. She closed her social circle to her parents and me. She didn’t reply to anyone who was messaging her or checking up on her.

Small Changes, Big Effect

She requested for the anti-depressant to be changed since it’s giving a negative effect on her. Afterwards, the replacement had a better effect on her and she was able to regain her motivation. She had the energy to go to the gym daily and she was able to lose that unwanted weight.

During this period, she had minimal attacks and she exuded more positivity in life. I think exercise helped with increasing her endorphins (one of the happy hormones).

My Role as a Partner in This Part of Our Journey with Depression

As I am resourceful, I read books and articles that would help me be the best support I can be for her. I would constantly look at this site to remind me what can I do to help her with her depression. I would read and read books (like this and this) about depression and depression support in order for me to understand more about what I should and should not do.

Through the articles and books I read, I learned that most of the time, you do not need to do grand things to help her. Most of the time, the best thing to do is to be there physically with your loved one. Be beside her. Let her feel your presence. If she wants to be hugged, hug her. You don’t need the proper words to say. Your presence is most important. You don’t need to fully understand what she’s going through because it is something people that haven’t got the condition won’t ever fully understand. Trying to understand it will lead to a roadblock. Instead of understanding, she needs empathy. She needs to feel that she is important in your life. She needs to feel that she is not alone.

The Story Continues…

In my next post, I will continue with our story of ups and downs. Part of it is what she considers her early moments in her journey with depression. I will also include what were her early signs of depression.

Pls. comment below or on our facebook page/groups if you want specific topics to be discussed regarding mental health! ‘Til my next post!